I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
