omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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