I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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