he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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