you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
