"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
