i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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