just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
