can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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