Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize