you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
