I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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