"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
