remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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