It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
