I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
