I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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