I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize