i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
