Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
