Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
