Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
