Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
