He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
