I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
MIDGETS
????
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
