High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i've created a new STD.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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