Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
