she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize