Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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