I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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