I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
