so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
