I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
