He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
