I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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