To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
