3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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