I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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