Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
