Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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