totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My feet surprised me
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