If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Even my vagina gasped.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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