so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
