You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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