Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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