So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
