I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
