all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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