escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
