i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
