I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
