so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
