Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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