I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
