Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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