He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
