I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I forget how to act sober
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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