between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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