I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
