there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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