it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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