Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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