you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
