nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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