I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
