When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
