There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
