R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
