i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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