The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
