Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize