we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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