Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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