I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
