Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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