I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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