I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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