That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
