I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize