I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
