people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
