I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
