I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
