Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ugly people sure do ruin things
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
