My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
