I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
