She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
