Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
