I wanna bring you to show and tell
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
