Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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