Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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