Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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