theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
