Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
