I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
