I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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