The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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