so let's talk penis.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drake has all the answers
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
